The one about the worst hockey movie ever made… so bad I watched it twice

Farley Gordon or Jeff Skinner.... the resemblance is AMAZING!

One of Chasing Checkers best friends gave me an epicly awesome birthday present this year…. a video ordered all the way from the exotic website Amazon.CA… SCORE, A Hockey Musical.  I’m not sure why any movie studio thought combining singing, hockey and a really bad plot was worthy of producing, but I am SO GLAD they took a risk.

 

The main guy in the movie is a kid named Farley.  He’s a home-schooled kid who’s parents are artistic hippies and don’t let him play organized sports, a self proclaimed weirdo who doesn’t fit in.  There’s a Jeff Skinner like quality about Farley…. his smile, his innocence, the faint blush on his cheeks… if only the REAL Jeff Skinner would burst into song, or could play the accordion like Farley can.  THEN we’d have a real superhero hockey player in Raleigh!

 

It only takes a few horribly scripted songs to discover that Farley, who I think I’ll refer to as Jeff Skinner from here on out, is the son of none other than OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN, of Grease fame.  (Of course, Newton-John is Australian…. not sure how she was cast in a Canadian hockey musical…)  Her most memorable line was, “Dear, don’t go outside, it’s as cold as Venus, you’ll get frostbite on your….” (Don’t worry, she didn’t finish the phrase!)

 

So Jeff Skinner is recruited to play for the Brampton Blades, who’s logo isn’t a skate blade as you might expect, but is instead a circular saw blade, and quite scary looking!  Jeff Skinner had a rather moving solo in the dressing room of the Brampton Blades when the coach was trying to convince him to quit the team.  I thought I’d share some of the riveting lyrics with you:

Oh, Jeff Skinner, you are so adorable!

“Just because I still have my front teeth

Doesn’t mean I can’t compete.

I might not come with a hockey pedigree,

Why can’t I still dream of being the next Crosby

 

 

Another memorable line:  Hockey without fighting is like Kraft Dinner without Cheese

 

During the fight scene that reminds one of the Charleston Chiefs in Slapshot, there’s a very choreographed dance of sorts between the opposing players.  All I’m saying is it gives a whole new meaning to the term, “Fight Choreography.”  Until this moment, I hoped the hockey player actors were actual junior hockey players in Canada, but after seeing them dance, I take those thoughts back, because NOBODY needs to be humiliated like that, and have it captured on film.  I can’t imagine the hazing those kids would go through later in life when clips of the movie show up in their professional dressing rooms.
As we were watching the movie, I realized I was pretty sure one of the Charlotte Checkers was from Brampton…. so I looked at our roster, and discovered none other than Chris Terry is a Brampton native.  I wish I could ask Mr. Terryiffic if he was around town when this cinematic gem was filmed.  I am also curious if he knows anyone that was an extra in the movie, and if so, could he get my DVD autographed.  Heck, maybe I should just ask Chris to sign my copy since he’s an actual resident of the famed town of Brampton.

 

If I was going to make it to Canada this summer, I can assure you I would make a pilgrimage to Brampton just to see the sites the movie was filmed in.  I thought it was awesome going to Salzburg, Austria a few summers ago to visit places the Sound of Music was filmed, but I don’t think that can compare to setting foot inside the barn the mythical Brampton Blades played in.

 

Later into the movie, I was very disturbed by another song and dance routine the team did in the dressing room in various stages of undress.  The dancing had a kind of Backstreet Boys feel… and it was all about being “Real Men”, but I was bothered by a number of things.  First of all, real men do NOT dance around in their underwear in choreographed routines.  Secondly, a real man hockey player would NEVER dance on top of the team’s crest on the floor of the room.  They defaced the Brampton Blades with their singing and dancing!  If someone did that to the Checkers logo (not that there is one on the floor of the Checkers dressing room) I would be horrified and offended.  Come on, Score, a Jeff Skinner Musical writers.  I can’t believe you let the boys dance on the logo like that!  It’s COMPLETELY unrealistic!

 

So, anyway, if you haven’t seen Score, the Jeff Skinner Musical go out and rent it RIGHT AWAY!  Of course, I doubt you’ll find it at Redbox, and maybe not on Netflix and it’s so bad I don’t even think they’d show it on the Lifetime movie channel, but if you are a trustworthy friend of mine, I MIGHT let you borrow it, if you put down a MAJOR security deposit.  (We’re talking about your name signed in blood, or an autographed Sidney Crosby jersey as collateral!)

 

Seriously, you need to see this movie….. the GREAT ONE’S DAD is in it!  OK, Wayne isn’t, but WALTER IS!  And so is Theo Fleury, AND HE SINGS!  He’s like… a singing hockey angel.  So for as awful as this movie is, it somehow gets street cred with the cameos by a Fleury and a Gretzky!
Walk… no RUN…. to Amazon.ca and get your own copy of this movie.  It will change your life, it changed mine!

 

 

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One thought on “The one about the worst hockey movie ever made… so bad I watched it twice

  1. I have never wanted to see a movie so badly in my life after a reading a recap. This sounds even better than the Lifetime movie I saw with, I think it was Charlize Theron, where she hides a scalpel in her butt crack and tries to escape from her evil kidnapper/husband…some dude that was holding her against her will (and it later involved a car chase and an airplane). Oh I will be googling this thing all night.

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